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Thursday, March 21, 2013

Historic Fangio Racer Goes Up for Auction as Stirling Moss Queens Out

Fangio's W196 from 1954 courtesy Bonham's Auctions
There are two interesting blips on the historic Formula 1 radar this week, most excitingly the decades-lost W196 Silver Arrow that was raced by Juan Manual Fangio will reappear before the well-monied public in a high profile auction at Bonham's Goodwood sale in July. This is the car in which Fangio won both the Swiss and German Grand Prix events in 1954. The car disappeared for several decades and only recently rolled back into the spotlight but with a remaining air of mystery considering that the auction house is revealing neither the seller nor releasing a pre-auction estimate, but really how can you conceive of a number that will in any way reflect what will go down in the sale room that day. (Click through the image above a couple of times to see it in much greater detail, you will see every chip in the paint, speck of dust and hose clamp.)

In "never meet your heroes" news, former F1 driver Stirling Moss stirred the pot of political incorrectness when in response to an interviewer asking who he would like to play him in a movie about his life Moss belched, "I hope the actor would be masculine, not a poofter or anything like that." We can only imagine he then batted his eyelashes and his pulse quickened as he gushed in a Freudian-slippish way, "Perhaps the guy from Skyfall" in a reference to Daniel Craig.

Poofter is British slang for a homosexual and is considered a slur today on par with racial epithets.

Moss seems to be confusing masculinity with sexuality, and while that was certainly common in his youth and the heyday of the sport, it is woefully out of touch with modern sensibilities, especially amongst the well-heeled and well-traveled set that support the sport of Formula 1 today. "Just ignore grandpa, he's tired and hungry," is what we imagine his handlers spoke to the interviewer after the foot-in-mouth episode.

We here at MotoArigato are curious exactly how Moss plans to determine the sexuality of the actors auditioning for the role. To us it all sounds like another classic example of his legendary charm, perhaps in his old age Moss is feeling experimental in the bedroom, bored of bedding prehistoric wenches and falling down elevator shafts, maybe he needs something new to give him a taste of that long lost spark of excitement. What better way to casually experiment with your own sexuality than to have a legitimate cause to approach a handsome young actor and coyly inquire, "Are you gay? No, well can you prove it to me back in the trailer?" That didn't happen of course, but we think he would be game, you know, if nobody finds out. We think his heart clearly aches to be Daniel Craig's next Bond Girl.

Sir Stirling Moss with a "friend." 
Perhaps realizing the error of his ways Moss followed up in another interview with the Daily Mirror, "I think it would be difficult for someone of the other persuasion, who is homosexual, to take on the part, as I have spent my life driving cars and chasing girls" clearly not realizing gays have been successfully piloting cars for some time now. The bit about chasing girls, well Stirling ol' buddy, that's where the "acting" part comes in.

Here's to hoping Stirling Moss gets his wish and can convince someone super masculine and totally not gay like John Travolta, Tom Cruise or Kevin Spacey to play him in a movie.

He polished the second interview off by saying, "I’m sorry I’ve caused offense, but I’m disappointed anyone could be so narrow-minded as to take offense. It was not meant to cause any" and proved to us that his intellect is nowhere as quick as his lap times considering he chose the classic "it's your fault if you're offended" routine that bigots adore because it frees them of responsibility all while maintaining the target of the hate as the instigator/wrong-doer. Classic asshole move from an apparent classic asshole. At 83-years old, it may be more prudent for someone of Moss' historical stature to consider his own legacy, one that he unfortunately soiled heavily at the dusk of his spectacular life. Perhaps he will make a realization and offer a true and heartfelt apology, or even just a private a change of thinking without the apology would be noble, because a lifetime of grand accomplishments can easily be undone by simply opening your goddam mouth. Stirling Moss, your still have quick reflexes but apparently not a quick mind, so please consider your historical legacy, friends, family and fans, and think before you speak next time.


In the meantime you can stay on top of Stirling Moss' sexuality by visiting his dedicated Gay-o-meter. Last time we checked he was coming in at a steady 80% gay, or "highly gay" according to the meter. Perhaps the driver doth protest too much? We tried to reach Moss for comment but his spokesman said he was presently unavailable as he was camped outside the O2 Arena waiting for One Direction tickets to go on sale, "Harry's his favorite you know!"

Update: The Daily Mail (UK) has added a forum specifically dedicated to the topic hilariously titled "Poofter Row" and when we checked it last there were already 140 pages of replies. It seems that Stirling is beginning to tarnish a bit after all. 

(This article is clearly parody, we do not think Sir Stirling Moss is gay, but his words are wrong and inappropriate and we believe humor is a better way to approach social issues and continue the conversation about social equality.)

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